So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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