Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
