he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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