This girl is more easily done than said...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
