I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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