Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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