His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
