he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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