508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
