every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
