I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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