capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The best revenge is premature balding
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
