She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
