I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
