I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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