So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
