Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
