You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it because I queefed?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
