Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
