you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
