Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
