whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
