I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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