But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
