You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
