i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize