I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
