I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
