I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
