I just pynch a tree in the face
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
