I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
