Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
