just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
