Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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