omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
