Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
