You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
