$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Randomize
