This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
