are you so shy because you have an std?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
