i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
