i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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