Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
