is your mom at the bar?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
