does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize