So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
