I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize