FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
