you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
