Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
