my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm too high and old for this...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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