no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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