Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
