If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am spending my child support on dildos
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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