She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think we might need a safe word for this...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
