whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
