haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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