just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize