I hate your face
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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