Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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