apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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