I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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