I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
