I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
