i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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