And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
