I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
