i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
