I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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