The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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