Don't you send me to vm
where am i from again
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
