I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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