so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
