You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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