they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
