like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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