we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
