its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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