if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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