i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
