I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
