Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
