Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need a burrito and a hug.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
