I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
