I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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