the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like abortions should bother me more
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
