so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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