fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
