You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
