She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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