she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
