Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
