what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
