3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize