I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
