i would punch a child for taco bell
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what day is it and did you see me today?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is wine microwaveable?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
