I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
