the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
