Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
