if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
