I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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