HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
