Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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