I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
