remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
