If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
