Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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