I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sext me about skeletons
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
