I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
