there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I supernannyed him into submission
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
