You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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