i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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